Merry Christmas 2006.
At one point in my history, this is something that I was sure I would not witness. My chances of survival to the end of 2006 looked pretty bleak in 1974.
That Christmas I spent so stoned I don't remember the entire holiday season. I had a buzz going for a week that included biphetamine, (black beauties- remember them?) That was the foundation of the high. It kept me from passing out completely and missing the 'fun'.
On top of that were valium, weed and beer. I was feeling no pain and hurting badly, at the same time. This was such a bad period for me that I seldom allow myself to think about it, even after thirty two years.
Just a few weeks before I had experienced the mother of all bad trips on mescaline. I was spinning, introverted and in total confusion about what had happened. I could think of nothing else but the doubts I had regarding my own sanity and fears that this was what I had to look forward to for the rest of my life.
That downward spiral lasted for the next full year. I read everything I could get my hands on regarding these feelings and how to pull out of it. I tried meditation, (boring and didn't help). I visited a psychiatrist, (more drugs, thank you very much). I was grabbing at straws and getting no relief.
I never once attributed the problems I was having to the drugs I was taking!!
I entered a Narconon Program in
It was not even a painful process. After a couple of days I saw the light and most importantly, I realized that I was going to beat the depression and addiction.
Although the recovery was not complete, (I don't know if I will ever be able to say that the negatives of that period are totally gone), I was functioning and extroverted again.
When I began to work there, and used my experiences to help others, I was helped in return by their insights and gains.
I could study again and train myself on the procedures and technology of the Narconon Program.
My future was returned to me. It wasn't the Narconon Program that gave it back. It wasn't the staff, the founder of the program, W. Benitez or the developer of the tech of Narconon, L. Ron Hubbard who put me back in control of my own life.
I reclaimed my future by truly being there and taking responsibility for my own feelings and actions. I no longer dove out of the driver seat by hiding in a fog of drugs.
I was able to be stand up and said,
"I did that. This is my doing. My life is what it is because of my
actions and mine alone."
And that gave me the power to choose where I was headed. I was responsible and I would never give away my power of choice again.
Now, two days away from my 31st anniversary of being drug-free, I can see clearly that our power of choice never leaves us. I know that I can help others to make that discovery because I have helped many to do so.
I wish anyone reading this a happy and drug-free 2007 and I hope that your year is your own rather than spent in a stupor of drugs.
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